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I suppose I should explain why I disappeared for a week without notice. I was at the JET Tokyo Recontracting Conference. (Why do they insist on spelling "program" like "programme"? Program me? Are they computers, or are they French? Maybe French computers, that's it.) Anyway, the conference was an interesting experience, to say the least.

Monday was Chapter 1: in which George realizes he left his wallet on the shinkansen just as he steps out the door. To make a long story short, he turned around just as he got off and tried to get back on to get his wallet, but the cleaning guy wouldn't let him back on. Then the doors closed automatically, and nobody in the station had the power to open them back up, and by that time the wallet had mysteriously gone "missing", undoubtedly tossed into a trashbag. George was a bit pissed off, and rightly so. I told him that if a similar situation should occur in the future, he should simply pull a "Gaijin Smash"; i.e. push his way past the cleaning guy, save his wallet from the maw of gaping doom, and then face the consequences afterwards. As things actually turned out, he was flusteredly embittered for the rest of the day (see, I can make up words, too) but I helped him place a police report and all that jazz.

Oh yes, the conference. I almost forgot.

We checked into the Keio Plaza Hotel a bit later than anticipated, but still in plenty of time for the inevitable Opening Ceremony (without which nothing in Japan would ever begin). Amazingly, the speeches didn't last nearly as long as I had expected. Next came a choice, two of the five workshops run by CLAIR representatives. Now I'll admit that I didn't really have a very high opinion of CLAIR. They have a reputation among many JETs as being rather useless, as they constantly remind us that have almost no control over, well, anything really; how we are employed by the local boards of education and not by JET, and other statements that make us wonder exactly what it is they DO. I expected pie-in-the-sky antics about how our lesson plans should include interaction (me? plan a lesson? hah!) or how we should use modern team-teaching methods with our JTEs (Japanese teachers of English) or some other vague hogwash. On the contrary, the workshops I attended were fantastic. They actually acknowledged and addressed the issues most of us face; issues like JTEs not being able to speak English (more common than you'd think), teaching methods that weren't even close to the "proposed guidelines" published by the Ministry of Education (yes, they exist, but nobody reads them), JTEs that are too busy or disorganized to plan out lessons in advance, and battling with entrance exams that don't actually test their communicative ability. This nod of the head toward practical concerns and away from bullshit scored some major brownie points with me.

The second day was a series of workshops run by current JETs, going on their third year. One in particular was quite useful: a guide on how to stay sane your second year in Japan. Things like throwing out your predecessor's old crap and buying a few things to make the place your own, making Japanese friends and doing stuff with them, and starting a project at school are some things that none of the manuals tell you but that make all the difference in making the last year more enjoyable. Some of the workshops that day were not so useful, particularly the ones that avoided concrete examples in favor of abstract concepts (like the lecture on workplace relations), the workshops that were poorly planned (like the cooking workshop), or those that gave facts that were just plain wrong (like the guy trying to sell the idea of graded readers, who claimed that more Japanese people are becoming fluent now because of better education standards; anyone with any modern experience will tell you that teaching methods outside top city schools haven't changed at all, and in fact the improvement is directly attributable to a higher number of Japanese studying abroad).

The real fun came on the third day, which was given over to MEXT (the Ministry of Education) for their take on things. If you remember from the paragraph above, MEXT is the organization that came up with a list of guidelines and goals for the JET program. First came a presentation by a third year ALT and her JTE, who work in a high achievement senior high school. Of course their methods worked well for their eager, brilliant students, but their situation was so different from the norm that it was difficult to see the point of such an exhibition. The JTE spoke English very well, and there was an oral communication component that was actually planned. I think there was quite a bit of resentment among the watching JETs, and a lot of eyes rolled.

Next was a short break before a "Q&A session". MEXT burned off time reading off some questions they had collected from some questionnaire I had never received; from the sound of things I think they picked off 8 questions at random without actually reading any of them in advance. The panel consisted of the JET and Japanese teacher from before, a MEXT bureaucrat and his interpreter, and a British man employed by MEXT (acting as moderator). Many of the questions dealt with issues far too specific for a national forum, such as, "How do I get students to talk to me at lunch?" In other cases the MEXT bureaucrat representative completely failed to address the question, or changed topics completely, as in the case of a question about JETs in many positions being replaced by less expensive private language teachers (he instead decided to talk about his new set of plans for elementary schools). The MEXT guy kept reiterating the goals of the English language program in Japan: an emphasis on conversational ability, in textbooks, and classroom curriculum, and entrance examination methods. After that, they opened up the floor to questions for the next 20 minutes or so.

George and I had decided during the break that we wanted to ask these guys a really difficult question to cut through the bullshit, the one question all of us were thinking but nobody had the wit to ask. We wrote down the question, and I waited for the real Q&A to start. One of the people with microphones saw that I had a question written down, and so I was second to step up to bat, in front of a room of a thousand people. I started out with a compliment: "The goals outlined by the MEXT representative in the last presentation were very positive. They show a real understanding of the requirements of English teaching in Japan. However, from communicating with ALTs [assistant language teachers] in many different areas, none of these plans are being implemented or even acknowledged. What actions will MEXT undertake to make these plans a reality, not just telling JTEs and their supervisors, but actually convincing them and checking that they implement it?" I hadn't even finished the last part and the entire audience burst into applause. George later told me the look on the MEXT bureaucrat's face at that point was that of a deer in headlights. He started going on about how memos would be distributed and people would be notified about the changes in the elementary school curriculum. Huh? He was changing the subject! He was completely dodging the question! A murmur started to rise in the crowd as everyone realized this. The interpreter finished by asking if that response had answered my question. I stood up again: "No, I'm sorry. HOW are you going to make sure the CURRENT rules are implemented? Like I said before, the guidelines you have drawn up for junior and senior high schools already are very good goals, but HOW are you going to implement them?" He continued to BS about issuing memos and plans, and mumbled some nonanswer about "looking into methods" or something. At that point the moderator, Huw Oliphant, stepped in and stated that the solution seemed to be further and better training for JTEs, a point with which I had to agree. If nothing else, he indicated that he at least was aware of the issue, and I suppose that was the kind of solution I was listening for. I sat down, content with the knowledge that George and I had knocked down the MEXT guy from his tower of BS for a moment. Who knows, maybe that bureaucrat will take back to his office that some actual action needs to be taken, and shake things up to get stuff done. More likely he'll issue a memo and form a committee to look into the matter. It's not very inspiring. But I guess now I know how their bureaucracy works, and that at least the national guys can't take any sanctions against me if I do something obnoxious like introduce phonics.