Beer has a bad habit of bringing back those memories you forgot you had. It drags out your insomnia. Right now I’m thinking about a particular girl who I haven’t spoken to in a long time. I’m thinking about a night under the stars, 13 months ago almost to the day. I’m remembering a red tank top and auburn tinted hair. I’m wondering why this particular memory has chosen to resurface at this particular time, and I’m wondering what my life would have been like if I had chosen differently, if I hadn’t left.
Did anything really change? Did my ten month vacation really accomplish anything at all? Or did I only break a few hearts in my process of self-discovery?
I guess I’m a different person than I was then, because if I could go back I would spend that night a bit differently. But if I could go back, I wouldn’t have the experience I do now. So it’s a bit of a catch-22.
Come to think of it, I’m still a bit lonely at times. More than once, I’ve had the solution to that problem right in my hands, right before it vanished. More accurately, I moved, and it stayed put. So I guess the dilemma is whether I should chase that solution when I see it (and risk being on the move just as I find it) or stay put and risk never finding it in the first place. Whether I am habitually too spontaneous or not spontaneous enough is a conundrum I constantly find myself in. And I’m not really in a position to judge which is better.
Jeff, this particular girl… wanders how you would have spent that evening under the stars if you would have had it differently… As for her it was perfect.
Hi Jeff! If you’re lonely you should come over here! I’m lonely too! We can be lonely together!